


The Meaning of Life

by Phangirlforever26



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, References to Depression, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 19:44:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17372120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phangirlforever26/pseuds/Phangirlforever26
Summary: Phil is out on holiday and Dan is left alone with his thoughts. Dan begins to realize that a life without Phil is not a life worth living.





	The Meaning of Life

“I love him,” Dan said to himself in complete confidence. Today was the day that marked Dan’s 10 years of friendship with his best friend, Phil Lester. It took 10 years for Dan to admit it to himself. “I love him,” he repeated.  
It was almost 3 am. Phil had been off on holiday with his family for two weeks now. Dan hadn’t slept soundly since the night before Phil left. Dan had been pacing in Phil’s room since he saw the last ray of sun descend behind the tall building in front of their apartment and was falling in and out of what seemed like a dreamlike state of tranquility. Except for the fact that Dan didn’t feel calm at all. He didn’t feel anything. He had experienced this sense of apathetic indifference before. It was maybe three months ago when he had run out of antidepressants. This was the same. This was the state of his feelings or lack thereof. This had been his mindset for the past two weeks in Phil’s absence. Dan needed him, and he couldn’t deny this to himself any longer. This was when he came to the cognizance of his love for his best friend, Phil Lester. And that was exactly it. That was the problem. Friend. Phil would never see Dan in the way that Dan saw Phil. Friend. That was all Dan could think. Friend. He kept repeating it to himself to the point where the word made him slightly sick to his stomach. And that is all they would ever be. Friends. Nothing more.  
When the first glint of light shone in Dan’s now closed eyes, Dan realized that, sometime during his pacing, he had dozed off and collapsed onto the bed behind him. With every essence of his fatigued figure, he forced himself up and lumbered to the kitchen. Dan hadn’t really had an appetite since Phil left, and his unusually full cereal box was too disheartening to acknowledge. In these two weeks, Dan had been forcing himself to eat because he was aware of the health implications if he were not to, but each time he ate, his food lacked all flavor and it usually seemed to taste rather bitter or tart. It’s amazing how being away from the person you love more than anyone else in the world will make you lose your will to live. It is these moments in life that make you see how much you care for someone and how you could never be without them. It was in this moment that Dan decided he was going to tell Phil.  
“I love you,” he whispered quietly to himself.


End file.
